Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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