If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
