She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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