Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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