No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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