The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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