Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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