I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
