dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
