pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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