I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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