I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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