So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
