He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
