But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
