a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
