he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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