I feel great
I just peed on a car
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You've changed since you got that strap on
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
