I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
