Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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