Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
