It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
