Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
