4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
