Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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