please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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