Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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