I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
