dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
