I heard we made out
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
