She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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