I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
