Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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