Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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