I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
