how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
