My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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