Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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