i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
