I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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