So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
