Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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