my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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