I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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