if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize