shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
