i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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