Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
