Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
