what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
