ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
