so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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