Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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