SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
