I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
A+ Viking dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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