He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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