PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
