Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
