The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
