im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
