My liver just broke up with me...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
