She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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