omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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