your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
