dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
