New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
