You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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