Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
