Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
