I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
