oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
