I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
