I love black thongs
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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