you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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