Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
