I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
