I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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