How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
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Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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