Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just high enough for therapy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
