I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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