she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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