I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
